IAMSANE's Blog - IN DARKNESS LET ME DWELL .....

All that we think positive in this world is most often the opposite and all that is perceived as negative is, or can be, positive. Take Light for example, or Visible Light, since most of what is vibrating 'out-there' we are unable to perceive. We are trained to think that Light is Good and that Dark is Bad. Light is Holy and Dark is Evil. I now understand why the opposite is true.
I have always been aware that the world I was born into is fundamentally wrong. As a child it was made obvious to me that things were not right. I was made to attend school in order that I should be educated yet I was subjected to years of bullying and humiliation and I lived my life in fear of what would happen next.
I was taken home by a teacher one day with a broken nose after being punched by another pupil who had picked on me for years for being what he decided was a cissy. But I wasn't only bullied by other pupils, who can be forgiven since they hated school as much as I and were coping with it in their own way. Many of the teachers despised me too, enough to resort to violent actions against me. In primary school I was dragged from my seat by a woman we addressed as Miss who pulled me from my seat by my ear to the front of the class where I could hit and be made an example of before the assembled children and made to stand in the corner to face the wall. Another time the same Miss put me down for a caning from the Headmaster.
You might be wondering what kind of evil behaviour, or crime, prompted such a violent even sadistic response, I must have been a terror, mustn't I? For many years an attribute of mine got me into a lot of trouble. It was not something I could control, it just happened when it happened and it made the teachers very uncomfortable. I was a laugher, something would make me want to laugh and I would do so, and not stop. That was my crime. Laughing. I used to lay in bed thinking about the day I had had, dreading the next; it would be much the same, if not worse.    
Night after night my thoughts would cause we to weep uncontrollably and life was truly horrible and set to continue in this way for the next eight years. When I was twelve I took an interest in the concept of suicide and a year later was imagining myself bleeding to death in my bedroom while my parents sat downstairs watching television. They would sooner or later notice the red stain of blood seeping through the ceiling above their heads and once it began drip they would act to find the source. It was the only way I could see of getting my parents to understand just how unbearable my life was. My mother's response to my pleas were simply that I had no choice but to go to school, she had, she'd been bullied, she coped.
There are different degrees of bullying and I don't doubt that my mother experienced bullying at school but it cannot be compared with the kind of violence that I was subjected to. She was never escorted home with a broken nose. She was never punched hard in the stomach by a metalwork teacher as I was. Yes, and I, hopeful that it could be the final straw, the one that provides a great reason for me to be taken out of school, went straight home to tell my mother about the attack. She was angry and phoned the school and spoke to the Headmaster who agreed to meet my parents in person with the accused teacher.
You must know by now how broken and disillusioned I was. Everything was wrong. It wasn't just aspects of school I hated it was the whole thing, and it was crippling me, and teaching me much about the world but the opposite of what it is officially manufactured to do. It taught me that people are fundamentally disgusting, sadistic, violent and best avoided. It didn't teach me to be an obedient soldier but to distrust any kind of authority and to see how corrupt the system is. But knowing these things couldn't take me out of the system, even after being punched by a teacher in front of witnesses. The teacher denied punching me and the Headmaster believed him and told my parents the matter wouldn't be taken further. Yes, disgusting, sadistic, violent, and LIARS too, defending themselves from accusations from a young teen by deceiving through lying those who must believe he didn't do something that he did, that he is guilty of but is unwilling to admit.
My parents didn't doubt that he was lying, that I was telling the truth, but they took it no further and I had to continue going to school with all my hopes of at least this incident having a positive outcome for me dashed. My relationship with this teacher from then on had a great tension about it. I knew how it felt to want to kill someone.
These were my foundations, my introduction the evil, backward, and socially tolerated world in which I lived and as I have said EVERYTHING about life was wrong, upside down, topsy turvy. Now I look at the world and there is nothing about it that appeals to me more than existing as a non-physical entity, which happens after the body dies. I want the Dark over Light. Dark is positive, bright, infinite, and Light is negative, detrimental to one's sanity because it reveals to our perceptions the manifestation of a world so grim, so full of dross, and one that we maintain through our attachment to and dependence on it.
In the golden age of human existence there was Light but it was not in abundance as it is today. When the hazy sun went down the planet was bathed up absolute pure splendid darkness and this delivered a different set of code for human perception to decode into a hologram of superior design and potential. Light wouldn't be so bad if we didn't abuse it the way we do but we are addicted to it and must shed light on everything. The golden age, it is said, came to an end when the moon came along and began to control life on earth. The Zulu tribes of Africa know that the moon came along and changed life on earth, they say the moon ruined life on earth and believe the moon to be home to entities who are controlling life on earth. Much of this knowledge amongst Africans was systematically wiped out by white christians who invaded these people and brainwashed adults and children into believing that their version of history was true and that theirs was false, with the added threat of burning in hell for those who need extra persuasion to alter their perception of how things are, and are willing to be dominated by threats from a god that does not exist.
These days the moon in conjunction with the sun ensures that we will never experience complete darkness unless we seek it out and shut ourselves away in rooms with no source of light at all or venture underground. Awhile ago I lay in a bath in a room completely devoid of light. Not only that I was undergoing an experience after eating a good amount of magic mushrooms. The walls were not visible to me therefore I perceived no boundaries, no points of fixture and so the sensation was of being in space. Most people I know who have taken things like mushrooms and LSD want to go out into the world and enjoy what they think is a distorted view of what is around them. When I have taken mushrooms I want to close my eyes, bury myself beneath bedding so I can get to the dark. In Darkness Let Me Dwell.